At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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