saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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