What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
