It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
