this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
