Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
