I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I faked an abortion last night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So squirting runs in the family.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
