she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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