I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize