So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i think i just lost a toe
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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