You're my little dorito
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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