I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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