You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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