I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
