Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize