my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think your dad took our porno
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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