i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize