I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
