I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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