Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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