sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
