I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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