did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
