Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
