highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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