do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
