If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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