from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
