having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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