Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
