And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
