I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
