WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
