Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
