Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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