I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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