a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
