I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
