need another drink. this is the easiest way
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
