If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
