I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
