and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
