my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
