Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
