I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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