so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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