I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
