It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My life is pants optional.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
