cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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