I have demons in me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
