I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
