I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
