She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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