you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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