i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize