we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
