My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
