Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
