I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
