Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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