Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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