I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
