had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
