btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
